Surrogacy/Adoption

If you’ve been reading along since the start, you know that my concern that my genes are awful and my excessive levels of anxiety/depression/assorted mental conditions are factors in my decision not to have kids. You probably also know that this week’s topic is surrogacy and/or adoption as an alternate means to procuring children. Yes, I said “procuring.”

I’ll start with surrogacy since it flows best from pregnancy. For anyone who isn’t aware, surrogacy is the process in which a woman other than the intended mother carries a fetus (or multiple fetuses) to term. There are a whole mess of different types of surrogacy, including types involving egg or sperm donation, and types that only use genetic material from the intended parents. There are also a ton of state-based regulations regarding surrogacy. In New York, there are laws that basically require all parties involved to live in NY and have extremely clear-cut guidelines regarding how the whole post-surrogacy thing works. It’s confusing, and it forces the legal system into uteruses, which is exactly where the law does NOT belong. (This is my personal opinion. You are allowed to disagree.)

In some states, it’s perfectly legal to be a surrogate for money. In many states, a surrogate is required to have medical costs covered by the intended parents. Makes sense, obviously, but this can lead to a lot of money, especially if insurance doesn’t cover it. Do you know how expensive a sonogram is? It’s expensive. Super expensive. Know how many of those you need during an average pregnancy? Bare minimum 2, and that’s assuming there are absolutely no issues, and you have a physician that isn’t a fan of double/triple/octuple checking things. And that’s just the sonograms. That’s not counting the extras, like the 3D Sonograms, prenatal vitamins, maternity clothing, copious amounts of medications, time off of work for doctor’s appointments…holy mother, this list goes on. And that’s before we get into the bulk of the expenses, which is going to be next week’s post topic.

Basically, what I’m saying here, is that there’s a fuckload of regulation and cost involved with surrogacy. And the same goes for adoption, really, but in other ways.  Allow me to elaborate.

Adopting a baby is incredibly difficult. Besides countless sets of paperwork, there’s visits from CPS.  Birth your own child, and you’ll only see CPS if there are reports of wrongdoing. Want to adopt a child, and state officials will come in to determine whether your home is appropriate for a child. That’s right, some stranger is going to traipse around your house and decide whether you have the ability to raise a child based on your organizational skills and wallpaper choices.

You also have to do research, and based on that research, choose an agency that is both reputable and fits your needs. (These are links for just a small handful of the ones I found for NY. I do not endorse any of these agencies. I haven’t actually researched any of them for reputation or success rates.) There are agencies to adopt babies, children, teens, foster kids, recently-orphaned kids, etc. and they all have different criteria. And then you have to decide if you want to adopt a baby, a child, a teen, or if you want to foster first. You have to decide if you want to adopt a local child, an out-of-state child, or an international child.

Then you have to wait for approval. Assuming that your home study (the CPS visit) goes well and you get approved, you now have to select a child (or a pregnant woman who intends to give up her baby). Then you have to wait to see if you get approved for that child, meet them, get a placement date, and then comes the paperwork.

Every state has different rules. Every state has different requirements. If you’re adopting a child from out of state, you’re subject to the laws of both your state and the adoptee’s state. Heaven help you if any of those laws conflict, because I honestly have no damn clue how they work that shit out. I don’t even know where to start with international adoptions.

There’s one more aspect to consider: if you plan to adopt a baby that has yet to be born, the mother has the right to change her mind right up until the paperwork is finalized, which can take like, a month after the birth. So here you are, with a ton of time, emotion, and money (yes, money is a factor) invested in the adoption of a child that isn’t actually coming home with you. Ever. Talk about gut-wrenching. That’s a level of emotional trauma that I just wouldn’t want to risk.

I think that about covers my arguments against surrogacy and adoption. You may have noticed that the topic of money has come up a few times over the past couple of posts. Coincidentally, next week’s post will cover the topics of cost and lifestyle change. Ok, maybe not coincidentally, because it’s kind of a perfect segue. Also, I already stated that money would be next week's topic.

As always, feel free to post any questions or comments. If anyone has any experiences, positive or negative, with the foster and/or adoption system, PLEASE comment; I’d love to hear about it.